‘Oh, I forgot to add that it is very likely me who stabbed you.’
‘Only here, the snow is alive, and it bangs against the screen in your bathroom.’
‘That’s how I keep my hair so shiny, I rub an elephant on it.’
‘I have to get rid of the helicopters behind me.’
‘When you’re trying to think of how to get a good night’s sleep in an uncomfortable bed, the term ‘skewers’ doesn’t usually come up.’
‘Well the last thing I want are unfashionable eyebrows.’
‘Let’s throw caution to the wind and make plans for EVERYTHING!’
‘And with the wind chill factor, it’s 20 degrees below absolute zero!’
‘You can’t clean a toilet with a pencil!’
‘It’s the cutting edge of politics in an extradinarily boring way.’
‘The pain was bad at first, but then shock set in and I was fine.’
‘More people would want to have babies if they came with free garlic bread.’
‘Couldn’t somebody just give me a gun and show me the way to the men’s room?’
‘Hey, it’s underwear. And it’s not in a bubble, so it must be real.’
‘Good news everyone! I’ve taught the toaster to feel love!’
‘Oh, now it’s going to get all pollinated, just like the king’s penis.’
‘Dang Canucks and their Mesopotamian gods and their Gaelic webbing.’
‘I’m having a brain hemorrhage! – I’ll get you a napkin.’
‘Hey, if there are potatoes that need to be stacked, I’m THERE.’
‘I think I can still do that with a ketchup-filled head.’